I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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