I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
