why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
