i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
