we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
