Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Randomize
