wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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