Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Randomize
