My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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