you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
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