So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Randomize
