Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
i was born a porn star she said
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
