i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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