apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
