Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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