i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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