it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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