the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
