Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
