Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
