I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
