I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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