I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
vagina is talking i cant
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Randomize
