If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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