Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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