it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
