Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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