Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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