i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
