I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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