We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
whose ass print is on the piano?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
