Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Randomize
