i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The air taste purple.
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