i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
Randomize
