where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
