I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Randomize
