i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
