Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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