if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Randomize
