Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
It's rum buckets o'clock
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
