dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I think weed is turning my hair brown
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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