I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
