So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
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