I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
