PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
