I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Randomize
