I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
