I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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