he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
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