I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
