he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
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