VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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