Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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