oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
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