i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I woke up under a house in Key West
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
