omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
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