i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Send help, water and tortillas.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
