see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
