How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
