11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Too much gin, very little bucket
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
